MOVIE REVIEW - WANTED

Angelina Jolie has a new movie out this week, Wanted. Also starring Morgan Freeman and others, Wanted is certainly summertime movie viewing.

The movie based on the the comic book series about a secret "Fraternity" of highly trained assassins that are sworn to a secret code, and pull of stunning assassinations of evil doers in the world. Complete with extensive training and curving bullets too! It's a story of killing, revenge, and supposedly good versus evil. But to be honest this movie falls flat, flat, flat.

If you're going to see Wanted to see Angelina Jolie do really cool things, be sexy, or deliver snappy dialogue, you're going to the wrong flick. If this movie did not have her name on it, no one on earth would really be interesting in this movie, or go see it. Her role of Fox, a trained assassin is a sidebar at best. Looking 30 pounds underweight never having lines more that 5 words long, she is merely a sideshow here. Much like her :"highly touted" role in Gone In 60 Seconds, where she appears in it for about 10 minutes.

Plain and simple, if you want to see tons of gratuitous killing, a story that make no real sense and that doesn't need to be told, and watch Angelina Jolie pretend to drive a car, than this is your movie. If you're looking for something a little more toothy, and go to anything else besides Wanted. I by now means am opposed to a good old fashioned shoot 'em up a action flick, but let's have a reason to make one OK??

Wow! Wanted. I can't believe I've put this much time into typing this review. Let's hope the door is slammed in this franchise.

MOVIE REVIEW - WALL * E

Pixars new summer, animated movie WALL*E opens in theaters this weekend and it's right on time. I think we have all been looking for something at the movies this summer to take the entire family to and really have a fun time. In this summer so far of really not funny flicks, WALL*E is here to clean things up! Rated G.

From my view, I think it's very difficult to review movies like WALL*E. These kind of movies and made for families to go to and we need more of that. There is no target audience, and no one is excluded. These are the kind of movies that many critics of Hollywood are asking for, and here it is. I will tell you right up front, WALL*E is not anything like you'll think it is when you buy your ticket. If you've read nothing about it, you will be surprised on the unexpected journey you're about to go on.

WALL*E is the only robot in the 27th century left on earth. His job is to clean up all the junk that humans have left behind, that has made earth uninhabitable. He goes to work and does his job. He's also lonely. His pet cockroach is good company, but he longs for companionship. Enter Eva. She is a more modern probe robot that WALL*E meets when a space ship sends her down to scan earths remains. A robot romance ensues and so does the action and space adventure together.

For the kids, WALL*E is just flat out fun and funny. Our hero is totally endearing and engaging. Pixar again hits a home run in developing characters you've never met or seen before. That to me is the real challenge presented to Pixar or Deamworks animation these days. How to make all these animated movies, and not have the same type of characters in every one. WALL*E is certainly new and fresh! The packed theater today had laughing, smiling, curious kids in it who were riveted to this 90 minute gem.

For the adults, WALL*E has a very strong Eco message and anti big-business message as well. I was surprised at the depth of the story. Much of that depth will sail right over the heads of the very young, but it's OK. The entire family will enjoy every frame of WALL*E as I did. Toss in a big time soundtrack, and some really brilliant animation, and you've got a real winner. Skillful movie making too in the fact there is very little dialogue at all in this flick.

WALL*E. It's all for fun, and fun for all. Well done!

Retire Omar Now!

Tonight the San Francisco Giants come to town to play the Tribe. It's the first time in history the San Francisco Giants have come to Cleveland to play. And it's also the first time that former Indian Omar Visquel will play at Jacobs/Progressive Field and NOT be wearing Chief Wahoo on his uniform.

The Tribe did what they had to do 3 years ago. Omar was 37, and Jhonny Peralta was ready in the minor leagues. It was time and we had to say goodbye to Omar. The Big O is still going strong, and still playing at a high level today.

Good crowds expected this week downtown, and that's good to see. The Indians are planning a nice tribute to Omar and that's great too. I am asking them to go further. I am suggesting that the Cleveland Indians should retire Omar Visquels number and let it hang out there with the greats in Indians history. Next to Bob Feller, and Bob Lemon, and the rest. Omar darn well earned it in every single regard.

Acquiring Omar from Seattle was one of the best trades ANY team EVER made. We gave up virtually nothing to get O. We sent ss Felix Fermin to the Mariners for OV. The rap was he couldn't hit. Great glove/no hit. And at first that was right. The bat could be knocked out of his hands. But that changed, he eventually ended up hitting second in that awesome lineup in the 90's. A switch-hitter with speed - nice mix. Then like a zillion gold gloves and 2,500 hits later, Omar is destined to go to Cooperstown when HE decides to call it quits.

But there's much more to O than that. He loved being an Indian and being part of Cleveland. When other hot shots left the Tribe for gigantic pay days, Omar stayed. Never complained, and did his job better than anyone in the history of the game in the field. He guided us in the playoffs, the World Series, all star games, and made us all swallow our gum every time he did something in the field that you never saw before. What a treat to have him here as long as we did.

Don't wait for his hall of fame nomination. the Indians should retire his number NOW. Teams are usually very careful about this type of thing, and they should be. But in Omars case, they're safe. In my lifetime, there has been no Indian player near as deserving as Omar Visquel period. When Albert Belle, and Manny Ramirez decided that about 80 million of the Indians dollars wasn't as good as 85 million of Chicago's or Boston's, Omar stayed. We had to trade Bartolo Colon because we didn't have enough cash for his fat ego, and we're staring down CC Sabathia's bank account barrel this season. CC too could endear himself forever with Indian fans and sign and stay. Then he too could one day put the 52 on the wall as well. Jim Thome could have stayed and possibly got a statue next to Fellers at the ball park, but 85 million wasn't enough for him either-he blew it, and now knows it. Through all of this - Omar stayed and played!

I have been a huge baseball fan my whole life and have seen a ton of great players. In the field, Omar Visquel is the greatest shortstop of my lifetime and maybe of all time including Ozzie Smith. And in the end his offensive numbers will be there. And the intangibles? Infinite! It's going to be tough the next three nights watching Omar make great plays that will save his team runs and cost the Indians theirs. It won't take long. I'll bet you by the 5th inning of tonight's game, he'll make some unreal play that he used to make for us.

Retire Omars number. What are they waiting for? If not Omar, then who?

MOVIE REVIEW - The Love Guru

Mike Myers is a funny guy no doubt. He has done fun work in the past, but unfortunately not in the present. The Love Guru is tired, rehashed and unoriginal.

Myers did great work on Saturday Night Live years ago. As the voice of Shrek he was charming and endearing. We all chuckled at Wayne's World and accepted his humor in the Austin Powers trilogy as edgy and junior high at times but there was something about those flicks that was harmless and fun. The Love Guru is just more of the same. Trouble is, I think we're over it.

Myers plays the fictional Love Guru from India who is hired by the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team to help them win the Stanley Cup. One of their star players is having love life troubles and he's not playing the same. They bring in the Guru to get him straightened out and the Leafs can win the cup. Are you compelled yet? No me either. And this is as good as it gets.

The Love Guru is not without some fun moments. In all of Myers flicks there is the obligatory music videos and production numbers that come out of nowhere and they're here as well, and funny too. There are some sight gags that stand up well, that you can't help but smile or chuckle at. But the truth is that's not enough anymore. In the long run this is just Austin Powers in different costumes. Same old bathroom humor, lots of kicks in the groin, double meanings, and 8th grade-" I just heard my first dirty joke" dialogue. He even drags Vern Troyer along (Mini Me) from the Powers flicks and he's not funny either. How many "short" jokes can there be.

Jessica Alba also stars with a bunch of cameo appearances from Hollywood stars in this ill advised comedy that I fear is destined to be forgotten quick. Too many trips for water makes for a dry well, and this well is done dried up!

All really successful funny guys seem to be able to cross over to more adult roles well into their careers. Jim Carrey has done it, so has Steve Martin, Jackie Gleason even Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd have. It doesn't mean you can't still be funny, but Bill Murray isn't playing a Conehead anymore. Then here are those who won't do it ala Chevy Chase. He's not funny anymore either. Mike Myers is 45 years old now and maybe the same bit just isn't as funny as when he was 30. Hasn't Myers had enough gigantic paydays over the past 20 years? To keep beating this drum is just embarrassing, and last weekends box office take is proof positive.

It's not that the Love Guru isn't just not funny, you may feel ripped off because you've paid to go down this exact road before in other movies. The Love Guru. Not loving it. It's time for Mike Myers to reinvent himself into the new realm of his career. The really great ones do, and now it's his turn if he's that brave. Please grow up. We have.

There Has To Be A Better Way

I went to the dentist this week. I am a four time a year guy, have been for many years. I go in and get cleaned up, and keep my teeth healthy. You may not go as much, but I go on my dentists recommendation. No matter where I have lived, that has been the advice. So I take it.

I feel that most feel that going to the dentist is not one of life's little pleasures. No offense to my dentist or yours, but it's not a day at the beach. And that brings me to my point. In today's world, don't you think there's got to be a better way? Man I do!

We had men walking on the moon almost 40 years ago but for some reason, we're still letting licensed pro's to scrape our teeth with sharp, metallic objects for minutes at a time. I call it the pick-ax. Same thing as the real tool. Metal, sharp designed to dig deep and grind out things that regular tools like your toothbrush can't get to. By the way, that's the exact thing a dentist tells you NOT to do. Why is that? If you do it at home is that bad for his business? I gotta admit, when he does it he can see in there a little better, but the premise would be the same. If you did it at home before you went in for your appointment, you could shave your time in the chair down considerably. Just a thought.

Also, the conversation thing totally cracks me up. Just as the dentist is sticking multiple sterile, sharp instruments in your mouth, you get questions like, "So how's the family" or " How about the Indians this year?" Is the answer expected right then and there, or after the initial picking? Or do they really expect an answer at all? The only worse timing is usually at a restaurant. Ever notice the waiter always seems to ask you how your food is, when you have the biggest mouthful of food imaginable? Do they time that up? Never fails.

Back to the dentist chair. After the picking, grinding, the lovely tasting paste on the spinning brush deal. By they way, do you have ANY idea what that stuff really is? Man me either, but you'd think in the 21st century they could do something about the texture and taste of that....stuff. It's a good thing that you can't see it before hand, because you would never put something with that texture in your mouth voluntarily. Then you get the fishing string floss, the obligatory "are you flossing" question, and we all know what the answer is.......c'mon...be honest what do you say? "Well...sometimes....once a week or so." Guess what, he doesn't believe you.

And those x-rays.... fun? The films tabs that go in your mouth? To me it feels more like a FedEx box. How big are those things? And to be honest, is there anything on earth you are SO glad to get out of your mouth than those things? I'm thinking not. And the most ironic part of all, you pay for all of this!

All joking aside, we need these pro's to keep our smiles bright, and our teeth healthy for a lifetime, it just seems that there should be a better way. Everything else in on earth has changed at breakneck speed, but here? Not so much. At the days end I always say thanks, and always sign up for my next appointment on the rack when I leave, and daily countdown begins....90, 89, 88........and so on.

MOVIE REVIEW - Get Smart

This is the summer of rehashing old ideas and bringing them back to the movies, and this week it's Get Smart! I have to admit, I had a lot of reservations about this project. I am not a huge Get Smart TV fan, but I was nervous this could be embarrassingly bad if handled improperly.

Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway and a bevy of stars and interesting cameo's star in the first installment of obviously a series of movies based on TV's 1960's secret agent spoof Get Smart. If you're a little too young to know Get Smart from television, it was created by the immortal Mel Brooks. It was intended to lampoon James Bond movies that were brand new at the time, and to make light of the cold war that was in high gear. The show was popular for years in it original run, and has lived in reruns for decades now.

Don Adams was Agent "86" and Barbara Feldon "99." And thanks to this new movie they still are and will always be. To this movies credit, it pays homage to the TV show in many subtle ways. It borrows the idea, but not the performances. Carell and Hathaway do not spend two hours imitating Adams and Feldon, and that makes it work. Maxwell Smart, a bumbling secret agent has been slightly reinvented, and Agent 99 has been completely overhauled to bring her up to date. That is the best decision this movie could have made.

Another terrific twist is, Get Smart is more comfortable being entertaining rather than funny. It's a comedy dressed in an action movies costume. And that too works! They don't try to force mediocre humor down our throats, but rather make a movie that is amusing and fun to watch. The makers of this Get Smart had a plan, stuck to it and made it their own without ruining the franchise that is so golden.

Get Smart is not without problems. Get Smart is a little too long for the kind of movie it is, 15 less minutes would have been much more in the long run. Also a couple of quick 9th grade sophomoric moments don't make it a better movie, just a more juvenile one at times. Should have been written out. But it doesn't destroy the flick at all.

Purists may not like the new Get Smart. You have to except that it's not the TV show, and it has been updated. Overall this is good clean summer fun. Get Smart - actually IS smart for reinventing itself. And Oscar winner? No way, but a fun summer date night at the movies.

It's Just Too Bad

The only people going to Geauga Lake Amusement park this summer are there the next two days to spend a lot of money. They are not going to ride the rides, play the games, or even eat the food. They are going to bid on history and try to take home some of the left over rides, and goodies the once proud park made famous. The final auction of Geauga Lake begins today.

I know I sound a little romantic to some, but it's sad when a place closes for good that once brought so many so much. Schools, amusement parks, stadiums, city parks, and even old theaters and vintage restaurants fit into this category. Geauga Lake was built specifically for us to go and have fun. That's it! How can it not be sad when bulldozers start rolling?

When the doors are finally shut, there is an emptiness and I think we all feel like we failed in some way. For most of us we won't toss and turn at night and cry ourselves to sleep over it. Let's not go overboard. But I think it's natural to wonder when did things change? People went to Geauga Lake for 100 years and really had fun, when exactly did the fun stop? Did the park change, or did we change? I'm guessing we did.

I readily admit I grew up a Cedar Point man. But I went to Geauga Lake many times. I rode the Big Dipper, and the merry go round too. I rode the Double Loop the first year it opened. I reluctantly rode the cable cars with my feet dangling out the bottom, I got sweaty palms on the huge Ferris wheel. And the thrill of thrills, I even had my picture taken with Geauga Dog all those years ago. I enjoyed the fine cuisine a number of times in my amusement park career as well. Plus, I did what you did too. I used to look across the lake and feel lucky that I was riding the rides and not watching whales do tricks. No offense to Sea World when it was open there, but at 15 years old? I'm riding rides.

The next two days they will auction off piece by piece what is left of Geauga Lake Park, and I'm sad. What was once so much fun for so many, will be no more. I guess we should all be thankful Geauga Lake was open as long as it was, and that it was a part of our community for many generations. We'll always have the memories.

You know in all those years I never saw Geauga Dog cry, but I'm guessing he is today. God Bless you Geauga Lake and thank you. It was great!

MOVIE REVIEW - The Happening

There is always one big sleeper every summer at the box office. A flick that crawls out from underneath the hype of the blockbusters and is just great. The Happening, IS NOT THAT MOVIE!

M. Night Shyamalan, the maker of the Sixth Sense and Signs, brings us his latest scary thriller The Happening, and it could not be worse if it tried. I'm going to give you the highlights. For some reason, plants (as in green plants) are giving off some airborne toxin that makes humans kill themselves. Why? I have no idea and neither will you if you lay down 9 large per man to go to this debacle.

Mark Wahlberg stars in this ill-conceived train wreck of a movie, that is complete with a stupid story, terrible dialogue, no action, no humor, no real reason for the story to unfold in any way shape or form. You then have to choke down absolutely ridiculous side plots, (if the main plot wasn't awful enough.) Plus you get some really bad acting from all involved.

What was anyone thinking while wading in this this celluloid sewer? Good gravy man, The Happening is so insulting to the movie goer, I can't imagine anyone walking out of the theater thinking they got their moneys worth. It's NOT scary, or thrilling, or anything at all. After Shyamalans Lady In The Water stiff a couple of years ago he needed a hit. The Happening is not it. It's making some cash, but the movie? Yikes! I feel this may be the end of the line for his big time career.

The Sixth Sense was such a great flick, and Signs was thrilling as well. His movies usually have some great twist at the end. It's sort of his signature. There's no twist here. The only thing twisting was me in my seat trying valiantly to make it all the way through this crash and burn exercise. Shyamalan needs to leave the scary writing to the pros like Stephen King from now on. They have scary story after scary story to tell. Shyamalan had two, and they've been told years ago.

The Happening. NOT happening. And if you must know, there is some blood, some graphic images, and by and large the language is tame. James Newton Howard's soundtrack too is very good. He is Hollywood's best music man. I'll stop there. The Happening...putrid, absolutely foul. A complete disaster.

MOVIE REVIEW - The Incredible Hulk

Edward Norton, Liv Tyler and William Hurt star in the Incredible Hulk new in theaters this weekend. This is yet another installment of superhero movies that are really doing great business at the box office this summer. If action hero's are your thing The Hulk will not disappoint you.

As Sex And The City was/is a huge movie with groups of ladies attending, The Hulk is the male equivalent. Lots of guys there to see the opening today. Very different movie, but more than likely the same result. As where Carrie, Sam, Miranda, and Charlotte charmed their way to big success, The Hulk will flex up to a big box office this summer.

You know the story, Dr. Bruce Banner during a military experiment in an effort to discover the hidden strength within mortal man, is exposed to a huge dose of "gamma" rays. And now whenever Dr. Banner becomes angry or enraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs and he transforms into The Hulk. A man-like beast with incredible strength and drive. He is being hunted down by his own military makers who have still not realized the awesome power they have unwisely created.

I have always felt the fictional story of The Hulk was easily the most compelling of all the superheros. Dr. Banner is a tragic figure, misunderstood and on the run, wondering if he will ever be "normal" again. Plus the constant struggle within his own mind, will he forever fight his fate, or embrace it. This movie is a great mixture of The Fugitive and King Kong. As where Dr. Richard Kimble in The Fugitive is being hunted down for crimes he didn't commit, so is Dr. Banner. And then the sad story of King Kong, the beauty and the beast formula is also in play here. And it works!

I think The Hulk is the most relateable of all the superheros. We have all felt at times we've been done wrong, forgotten, vilified, misunderstood, and alone. And his relateablity is The Incredible Hulks greatest strength of all. Don't be fooled, there's plenty of action and special effects to go around. This, like Iron Man is what summer movies are all about.

Again, The Incredible Hulk is an acquired taste. It maybe shouldn't be your choice for a first date, and it may not be every one's cup of tea. But this is a fun summer night at the movies. Good for all ages. I enjoyed the story, it's sense of humor and the action. The Incredible Hulk? Strong!!!!

Vote For The Blossom Bypass

We are so blessed to have a venue as great at Blossom Music Center to go to and enjoy concerts. Everyone from the Cleveland Orchestra to Tim McGraw perform there. I've been going to Blossom my whole life, and a few things remain the same. One - it is a terrific place to see any show, and two - the traffic is NOT good.

I had a remote Saturday night at the Wing Warehouse on Wyoga Lake Road at 8pm and as I was flying up RT. 8 I saw the traffic coming to a stop pretty much at Graham Road. Then I remembered. Eric Clapton at Blossom. Lucky for me I knew another way to my destination and I took it. Others were not so lucky. I could tell you the route I took but I won't, can't risk it. Gotta save it for another emergency. Traffic was snarled both north and south on 8, what a mess. There are also equally guarded secret routes into Blossom but they too must remain top secret so they too don't get too clogged up.

Look, Blossom traffic is legendary. If you have missed Clapton, or Chesney, or Rascal Flatts while waiting in traffic you are not alone. But I am here to help. I'm proposing the "Blossom Bypass" That's right a 4 lane superhighway from all major arteries right into Blossom. No stops, no exits, just right there. All lanes going in, and all lanes going out. If you're in, and want out? Tough! You're waiting till the shows over. That would not be a big change there either. Because even though you may know your way in...you still have to get out. Bring a change of clothes...and a pillow!

What would this cost? Who cares!!! I'd pay it! Superhighways can cost hundreds of millions of dollars. But if you've ever waited on the outside when your favorite is singing on the inside you'd pay it too. I don't think anyone would mind if it was a toll road, just get me to the show for crying out loud! Look if the federal government is willing to spend tens of millions on the mating habits of various unknown insects, plus insisting on paying members of Congress a salary and benefits, I think the bypass is money better spent.

Note to Barack or Hillary, or John. Want to win Ohio? Support this idea, and you're in. Legions of Toby Keith crazies and Flatts fans will propel you to a landslide victory. Not to mention the thousands of drivers NOT going to Blossom this summer who are tired of sitting in traffic on Route 8 as well. They are just innocent bystanders. They'd be in - "Bystanders For Bypass" - catchy. And don't forget the totally innocent victims of Cuyahoga Falls. Old dad just goes out to pick up the pizza for his famished family and ends up trapped in the automotive abyss without his phone, never to be heard from again!

And for the environmentalists out there. Don't worry. I think we should make it very beautiful as well. Nice flowers, trees and loving care to the animals. Not a problem. That issue is very important and we don't want to mess up the Metroparks - WE JUST DON'T WANT TO GET OLD WAITING IN CONCERT TRAFFIC!

The Blossom Bypass. Even sounds good. Think I'll write the Governor. Maybe he tried to go to the Clapton concert.

MOVIE REVIEW - The Strangers

Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman star in The Strangers. This is not a TRUE story, but it is based on actual events. I tried to research the true story, and the results are mixed. The ACTUAL true story is still a pretty well protected secret, but there are speculations on the web.

Tyler and Speedman star as lovers who go to his parents summer home in February 2006 after attending the wedding of a friend. They arrive very late at the house in the boonies, and almost from the start the are terrorized by some locals in masks. There is the usual loud banging, scary noises, darkness, cold and eerie silences. At the beginning of The Strangers, you feel like this is just another run-of -the-mill slasher flick, but you would be wrong.

The Strangers takes an intelligent turn, and relies far more on the old school method of scary movies. Anticipation, suspense, and high drama are the rules of the day. When a movie maker knows what really is scary to real people, you've got a winner. The Strangers, although not for everyone, IS a winner. The director also makes GREAT use of an old record player and some old school records as his basic soundtrack in the movie which totally make you feel like you are there. The record player is IN the movie, and not some recorded soundtrack that a composer wrote. This is used very skillfully.

What makes The Strangers so scarytoo, is that what happens to these two lovers could happen in real life. I think we all have hope that one time or another that we never meet up with some sicko nuts in the middle of nowhere, who are out to kill just for the thrill. There is some blood, but it is necessary to the story and a turn or two will leave you breathless from time to time.

A big surprise both with the critics, and at the box office, The Strangers is a must see for those who like a jolt at the flicks. The Strangers - very scary. well done. Scariest movie in a long while.