Passing My Dad

I am lucky.  I have been blessed with great health my entire life, and it's something I do not take for granted.

But I can't always say that truthfully.  When we all were younger, getting a medical physical was simply a formality.  You went they did what they did, and you got a letter a week or two later saying all is well. Maybe lose a few pounds and don't smoke.  That's how I always thought of it until this year.

I am seldom sick and honestly outside of hernia surgery 4 years ago, I have never really entered the health care system. And that was outpatient stuff.  I took a konk above the eye with a ricocheted golf ball a few years ago for my one and only ER trip.  But by and large, I have been very healthy and I am thankful.

Next week I go in for a yearly checkup and a couple of other things that you need to do.  This year it's a little different for me.  I am the exact age my dad was when he got sick and passed away.  That was a long time ago. In those days you got cancer, you did chemo, radiation, and then you died. Things are very different today as treatments are so much better and results are as well and we should all be thankful for that.

But this is a bit sobering for me especially since I am so much like my dad.  I look like him, am built like him and have so much in common, my mom still shakes her head at me and laughs.  Plus, there are people in my life that have been battling illnesses and conditions they don't deserve many at or around my age.  I am not afraid of this appointment by any means, but I would be lying if I said it hasn't been on my mind some.  I have done what you can do. I have lost some weight, I am eating better, I have not smoked cigarettes in 27 years, and have an active lifestyle.  I look forward to the letter in a couple weeks saying I am OK.

This checkup coming up is the same week as my dad's passing, in fact just a few days before the actual date.  It worked out that way by accident, and I'm glad. It's a chance to look back to a different time, stare it down, and go zooming by a place that was his last stop. And that's exactly what I am planning to do.  It's the least that can be done considering his time was cut so short.

It's a funny thing when you start to look at things differently than earlier in your life.  I remember when my dad died, I thought I was the one who got a bad deal. After all I was only 16 and I think under the circumstances it is normal to have those feelings.  But now, I realize that it was him that really got the bad deal as I have now caught him in age and I feel his mortality.  He lived a healthy life, and it all didn't work out for him like he planned, or deserved.  And I feel somewhat ashamed for thinking for years it was my loss alone, when it was more accurately his. But I was young, and proper perspective is not granted to the less seasoned.

So here's to good health and leaving places behind that are better left there.  And to my dad Robert who will be cheering me on well past his finish line, all the while telling me that mine is well beyond the horizon and no where in sight.