There's Art In The Heart

Well it happens every year about this time, I have another birthday in a few days. This year is no landmark day, no big number or number of any importance to the rest of the world. But when I do the math, it turns out that it'll be my 30th birthday without my dad. My goodness.

I have no idea if Robert would have approved of my education, my career choice, or the nomadic lifestyle I led for almost 20 years. I can't speak for him on that. And since I can't even imagine what my life would be like today with him in it, I won't even try. Early in my career I would travel around the country, going wherever the job and pay was better. I lived in many great cities, eventually ending up in Florida. I must have been looking for something. Then I decided to come home in 2001.

I don't know exactly how he'd feel about the mistakes I have made, and if he would have thought they were more or less serious than I did. I don't think he would have been amused by how angry I was after he died. Wasn't his fault, but I was young... guess those feelings can't be helped..takes a while to figure that out! I made a bunch of mistakes as a result of those feelings, but none that couldn't be undone. And I'm no worse for the wear.

Simply because I can't, with any certainty speak for him on those points, there is one I can confidentally speak for him on. He would be proud of the fact that I have been surrounded by great people in my life, and many of them for many years. Good people, people with heart...big heart. I have been so lucky to have most of these friends around for 20-30 years, a rarity in today's world. I know that this is the exception, and not the rule. Upon further review, maybe this has been my reward for paying such a high early price .....I don't know.

My dad didn't have everything, but he had heart...and a big one. He always taught me that friends were as important as anything, and I think he was right. When seeking out those to surround myself with, I think it's the heart I measure first. All of the long term relationships that still around me daily are people with tremendous heart. These people are in every avenue of my life, at home, in cities left behind, and at work. It feels great to be around people that are good to the core, to the heart, in the center of their being. Like my dad! It makes me better, keeps me centered, and sets the bar high in my own life.

I do miss my dad, not every single day but on occasion it still hits home., and this is one of those days I guess. I miss his heart and all that went along with it. The good heart that became silenced three decades ago way too soon. But in my lament, I feel more than fortunate, and blessed to be surrounded by the beating of so many good hearts daily, that make up for the one I lost all those years ago.