I'm Taking My Talents to Lock 3

I am very glad to be here in Northeast Ohio, and the Akron Hamburger Festival is one of the reasons why. How many things in life are more worth celebrating than the hamburger? It might just be the worlds perfect food.


Shockingly, I am not calling a one hour press conference on national TV to announce that I'm going to the festival, not because it's ill-advised and not very well thought out. But because it wouldn't be enough time for me to adequately express my sincere appreciation for America's best dish. Also, I'm doubting there would be a huge national backlash about some guy talking up the burger at dinner time on some self absorbed cable network.


I decided over the past three years in conference with some of my best friends that we would be attending the festival together this year. We've all had other obligations the past year or two, but now we are all free to go take our talents to Lock 3 and eat hamburgers together. It really is a dream come true for all of us. It was a tough decision on whether to go this year or not. But when I woke up this morning, I talked to my mom, and she said, "In the end, if going to the Hamburger festival makes you happy I think you should go. Your happiness is all that matters." And that was all I needed to hear. I knew I had made the best decision for me.


I think the Akron Hamburger Festival is a good idea. There has been controversy over the years about who invented the burger, where and how. And to be honest I don't care. It's here, and that's all I care about. Why shouldn't we all get together one weekend a summer at beautiful Lock 3 and knock down a few burgers together? We'll probably find a brew or two, listen to some music, walk around and scope out the next burger were going to eat.


On the other hand, there are rumors of talks or seminars on the history of the burger, and I don't need that. And, I don't need to see over sized guys eating burgers at a break neck pace in some silly contest, or any related speed eating display of buffoonery. I've seen, and heard enough buffoonery over the past week or so to last me a while.


So in the cover of darkness, I am going to sneak off from my safe house in the suburbs in my private Ford Focus, with my guys, away from the paparazzi. And make my way to the biggest party in town at Lock 3 to the Akron Hamburger Festival and have the time of my life. With any luck, they'll work out a long term deal, and guarantee my attendance for the next 5-6 years or so. This could become a winning tradition for years to come.

Not having or loving the Hamburger Festival in unimaginable. That would be like getting booed at a wedding, Who does that?

See you at Lock 3!